Do you ever have that crazy itch for change? It’s like a constant nagging, no, it’s a little tug, pulling on that loose thread you’ve meant to remove from your favorite sweater. The tugging can go on for ages as the thread slowly unravels overtime, until one day enough of it is missing to finally make you notice that you’re no longer very warm.
Well I’m not as warm as I once was… and not just because of the awful weather we’ve been having lately.
It doesn’t help that change is forcing itself upon me. Don’t get me wrong, this is mostly good, just damn uncomfortable. You see, as much as we need change, none of us ever seem ready for it. We may even crave it, but that sweater is do damn comfy, it’s easy to avoid putting on a new one.
This is why I’ve neglected the blog for three weeks. I’ve been spending time reflecting, probably too much. Writing usually seems to help, so it would’ve done me some good to write sooner, but a lot of these changes are private things I can’t air. Therefore, they wind up woven in my offline journal, and this little blog focused mainly on reading takes a temporary backseat. But tonight I’m trying something new by sharing some of these thoughts. Seeing where it leads, and yes the regularly scheduled reading review program will return shortly.
Sometimes I look at a landscape, and I lose my breathe. It may be simple, a lone winter bare tree sprouting in the midst of a golden prairie.
It might be the mundane.
Snow covered woods blurred through the window of a moving train.
It could even been the majestic urban tourist viewpoint.
Such as a New York City from the top of Rockefeller on a cold February morning.
Each of these moments, minute and fleeting, tugged at that fraying sweater of my cozy little life. Silly, I know, but don’t you sometimes just feel those paused breathes around you? That simple silent call of “Look here! This is you! Inside. Feel it? Feel you? Now look there. All of that. You’re part of it. What are you going to do about it?”
I’m tired of looking though, and I do fear some of the leaps I need to take, the decisions I need to make to move forward. But that fear also pushes me, because I can’t ignore it anymore. I feel the cold of stagnation. The inspiration I once found in the world around me has returned. Little tree hugger hippie me, feeling what was around me has grown up. And maybe, just maybe, I’m finally ready to let the flower child self meet adult me. Maybe if I put the two selves together, my new whole can tackle putting on a new sweater, slough off the old, and begin again.
So there…those are my random musings. They dance around my overly self critical mind, and sometimes come out as nonsense. Perhaps this will help clear the clutter a bit. Perhaps one of you will understand, and together we can both get somewhere in the middle of all of this thing called life. (And perhaps I really just need Spring to hit so I can stop being a shivering shut in…that may also be a factor in my current mood… just a little).
Merely Creative 