Two weeks into the year, and I’ve taken my sweet time about really updating the blog.  Believe it or not, I have indeed been reading.  I’ve even finished *one* book.  Though, to be fair, my second would be complete if I hadn’t been a dolt and purchased the audio book.  Don’t get me wrong, it is a wonderful audio book.  I’m just getting impatient to make it through all 42 hours (only 22 left!).

Let’s move past the excuses though.  That’s not why I am here.  I finally had the pleasure to complete Amanda Palmer’s The Art of Asking, and I want nothing more than to share the love!  The Art of Asking is part memoir, part self help book, and part private journal Amanda has left open for the world to read.  This follow up to her TED talk (see my previous post for a link to the video) is charming, inspiring, and heartfelt. It tackles the very core of our fears to really, truly, ask for help, to bare ourselves to those around us, be vulnerable and real, learn to receive, give, and just BE what we are.

Yes, a signed copy. I’m a sucker for signed books from my favorite authors/people!

If you’ve known me for awhile, you’re aware I’m not very good at showing my true emotions (i.e. my total lack of reaction to my husband’s wedding proposal) and I’m not very good at asking for help (i.e. my entire PhD experience).  I blame part of this on my “only-child-independent-nature” and my fantastic parents (in all seriousness, they are amazing people) who taught me how to be independent and self-reliant.  They did indeed teach me how to give as well as ask for help, but I think some things came so easy to me at a young age I assumed it was shameful to ask for assistance when needed.  Not to mention, as a society we’re not the greatest at promoting the whole “we’re all in this together so ask for help” attitude.  Asking comes with some assumptions and stereotypes.

All through high school and college, I worked my butt off.  Yes, I did ask for help on occasions, and gladly received it when given.  Even with all the give and take, I don’t think it ever really sunk in to step outside myself, my experiences, and truly stop for a moment and see myself and my struggles as part of the bigger world, or even as part of the small world consisting of my family and friends.  I think I knew this in some ways.  I’m not a blind hermit, but I didn’t grasp that the anger, the pain, the fear (of failure, success, of everything) was also part of the whole, and I could have dealt with it better if I had only asked…

You see, I’ve started to learn these things on my own only in the last year or so through MANY heart-wrenching conversations with my amazing and supportive husband and many moments of inner-dialogue.  Amanda vocalizes the thoughts I wish I had known only a few years ago, and in doing so, provides us stubbornly and fiercely independent people with valuable lessons on why we should ask and what it really means when we choose to do so.

In The Art of Asking, Amanda is talking specifically from the experiences of an artist who asks of her fans and the general community to support her art, and in doing so, they get to be part of it and experience the music, the love, the beauty.  But, as she learned in the process, asking is so much more.  When we bare ourselves through asking, we let people see a bit more of our secret-selves.  We crack the locked door around our heart and expose it to potential pain.  It will get hurt.  If not at first, eventually some splinter will work it’s way in, but if we remain open and ask for help in removing that splinter, the wound will heal and our heart will grow tenfold. Corny as it may sound, the truth of the matter is rather simple.

There are too many passages I could examine here, quote, or explain how I cried, laughed, smiled, and just simply said “YES! That! THAT!” as I made my way through Palmer’s gift of a memoir.  Instead I want you to experience it (seriously, go find a copy, borrow one–I’ll share!).  The little random snippets of her life, gently and sometimes haphazardly stitched together as a quilt–of moments, treasures, life lessons–create a whole picture that genuinely is affecting on the heart, and the mind.  It promotes critical thinking and introspection, and in simple words, speaks to the damn human soul whatever it may be.  Don’t let the jumping around throw you for a loop either.  I promise it will make sense.  After all, doesn’t our mind usually jump around, connecting the dots from random, seemingly unconnected moments throughout our lives?

One last thing I need to mention in this awkward rambling of my first semi-book review, is something Amanda brings up near the end of her book (page 276): a quote from one of my all time favorite tales, Margery Williams’ The Velveteen Rabbit.  The Rabbit is talking to the Skin Horse about what it means to turn Real:

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse.  “You become.  It takes a long time.  That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.  Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.  But those things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” 

This book isn’t magic, but it is part of understanding what it means to become.

That is magic.  

Go out.

Take the Donuts.

Become.

P.S. As a fun side project to The Art of Asking, Palmer has compiled a website with a timeline, interesting tidbits, pictures, videos, etc. to go along with the book.  I highly recommend it! http://amandapalmer.net/theartofasking/